Title

Title: Failures

Author: Anne Milne

Date: October 23, 2006

Spoilers: En Ami

Disclaimer: Anyone you recognise doesn't belong to me. They've just come over to play for a while. They'll be back home by the time it gets dark, I promise. Really.

Category: MSR, angst, M/O

Rating: PG13

Feedback: Pleeeeeeeeeease!

Archive: Go for it

Thanks: Sara B., for encouragement and nagging.

Summary: Even the smartest people make mistakes, and the strongest people still need to feel that they have a support system.

Other stuff: Why is Mulder allowed to get away with ditching Scully, and Scully gets crap from him the ONE time she tries it?

To say the atmosphere in the basement office was strained would have to rate as the understatement of the century. Since Dana Scully's adventure with the Smoking Man, Mulder had only spoken to her when absolutely necessary. Any other comments that he made were heavily sarcastic. Over the last ten days, Mulder's remarks had become more cutting and bitter, when he spoke at all. Scully understood his anger, as she had been on the receiving end of classic Mulderditches many times. However, she had never acted in such a cold manner toward Mulder as he was acting toward her. It had started bothering her by the second day; now, it was simply nasty.

"Mulder?"

"What?" came the curt response.

"Can we please talk about what happened last week?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm feeling uncomfortable with the atmosphere here, and I think we need to talk it through." Scully spoke quietly, to try to keep things under control.

"So go find someplace where the atmosphere is better. Maybe a smokers' lounge would work for you."

Scully opened her mouth to comment when the phone rang on Mulder's desk. He answered the phone, turning away from her as he said, "Mulder."

He listened to the caller, adding a few comments as necessary. He hung up, and stood and walked to the door. As he opened the door, he said over his shoulder, "Skinner has a case for us. Maybe that atmosphere will suit you."

Scully sighed and followed him out of the door. If Mulder's mood doesn't change, she thought, I'm going to have to work out a plan of action to get it to change.

######

The case that Skinner had assigned them was in a small town in South Dakota. The locals had reported seeing lights in the sky, with animal mutilations following each episode of lights. Scully had the feeling that Skinner had assigned them an easy case out of town to get them talking to each other. So far, she thought, it's not working.

Mulder had ignored her as much as he could, choosing to buddy up with one of the sheriff's deputies instead. Deputy Robyn Davis was a pretty brunette, and she reminded Scully of Diana Fowley. Because of this, Scully made sure that she was friendly with all of the local law enforcement staff, including Deputy Davis. Mulder and Davis had been doing the fieldwork, and Scully had been working with the local vet doing various large animal autopsies. So far, Scully's working hypothesis was bored teenagers, lasers, and the old sport of cow tipping jazzed up with cutting implements. Mulder, naturally enough, disagreed, and he and Davis pursued other avenues.

Scully was back at their motel after a long day standing up, learning the intricacies of dissecting a one thousand pond steer. If I never see another raw steak, she thought, it'll be too soon. As Mulder had been unreachable, Scully had gotten herself a small dinner, and was now getting ready for bed. Her cell phone started ringing, and she sighed and answered. It was the sheriff, with another incident of lights in the sky for them to investigate. She got dressed, and went to knock on Mulder's motel room door to let him know. He opened on the second knock.

"What do you want?"

"The sheriff just called. They have a fresh crime scene for us to look at." She was unprepared for what happened next.

"Fox, honey, come back to bed," came from behind Mulder.

"Can't, babe," he said to Robyn Davis. "Duty calls."

"Just let that red-headed slut go, Foxy. The Ice Queen can handle anything, isn't that what you said?" Davis asked.

Mulder looked at Scully, then back at the bed, and came to a decision. "You go with the sheriff. You'll have another cow to cut up, I'm sure, and you don't need me for that."

Scully nodded. 'Can I have the car keys, please?"

Mulder got the keys and threw them at her. As she walked to the car, she heard Mulder's room door slam, and the sound of Davis laughing. He didn't even look embarrassed, she thought as she tried to control the tears of anger.

Two hours later, the case was over.

Sheriff Taylor had been waiting down the road from the latest crime scene, and had flagged Scully down. "Where's your partner?"

"He's not reachable at the moment." The sheriff nodded, and Scully asked, "Why have you stopped me out here?"

"Because I happen to agree with you, that it's kids doing this. I figure if we wait here, we'll see them go back to kill and cut open a cow. So, we wait." Sheriff Taylor went on to explain that he had another pair of deputies about a mile up the road, and that he had a good idea of who the culprits were.

As they waited, an old car went past them. The teenage driver was laughing with his buddies as they drove out to the herd of cows. The four young men didn't hear the lawmen approach until the sheriff spoke.

"Well boys, it looks like you've all been quite busy lately," Sheriff Taylor said. The deputies came down, the teens were taken in, and the case was wrapped up.

"I'll let you get back to the motel, Agent Scully. We can take it from here, but I appreciate your help," Sheriff Taylor said as he shook Scully's hand. She nodded her thanks, and pulled out her cell to arrange flights home. She was only mildly surprised when the airline agent informed her that Agent Mulder was already booked on the next flight back to Pierre, and on to DC. She sighed, and went on to the motel to pack.

######

Scully was sitting in Skinner's office, going through the just-completed case in South Dakota. Everything seemed to be going normally when Skinner asked,

"Is there any reason why Mulder would want you censured?"

Scully looked at Skinner dumbfounded. "No, sir, not that I'm aware of. Why, what reason does he give?"

"He says that you were uncooperative with local law enforcement." Scully looked askance at him, and Skinner went on, "But Sheriff Taylor was full of praise for you. The sheriff also said that there seemed to be problems between the two of you. Is that correct?"

Scully nodded. "This is all because I went with the Smoking Man. Mulder cannot forgive me for it, and he won't talk to me so we can get past this. I am out of ideas right now," she finished.

Walter Skinner looked at the dejected agent in front of him, shook his head, and simply said, "As far as I'm concerned, the case was investigated properly, and closed correctly. You are dismissed, and take the rest of the day off. It's what your partner seems to have done."

Dana Scully quietly thanked her supervisor and left the office and the Hoover building. Once she reached her car, Scully thought of where she could go to get a different perspective. Mom, she thought. She'll know what to do.

Once she got to Baltimore, though, Dana Scully wished she'd stayed in DC. Outside her mom's home was Mulder's car.

Mulder had gone to see Mrs Scully that morning. He knew that he needed to work through the anger he felt towards Dana, and he felt that her mom would be the one best able to help him with that. At first, all he did was vent his feelings of anger and betrayal. Gradually, he was finding reasons why Scully must have gone, and finally he could feel himself calming down and starting to accept what had happened. Mulder had thanked Mrs Scully, and was about to invite her to lunch when the house phone rang. It was Dana.

"Mom, why is Mulder there?"

"Fox is here, talking." At Dana's grunt, her mother continued, "Maybe if you hadn’t lied to Fox and run off with that man, he'd be talking to you. How could you, Dana?"

"Did Mulder explain why I felt I needed to go with that man, and why I couldn't tell Mulder about it?"

"No, but you shouldn't have lied to Fox. You know that he cares about you."

Dana was more hurt by what her mother had said than she would have thought. "What about all the times that Mulder has ditched me, mom?"

"Fox has explained to me that he leaves you behind to protect you, and I appreciate that he cares enough for you to want you to be safe. You should have told him."

Dana could hear from her mother's tone that nothing she could say would change what her mom was thinking. For the first time in a long time, Dana Scully felt alone.

"Okay, mom. I'll leave you and Mulder to talk about all my faults." Dana disconnected before her mother could say anything, and as she drove away from the house, she saw Mulder run out into the street. Too late, Mulder, she thought, as she headed back to the Hoover building.

A little over two hours later, Dana Scully was hightailing it out of town.

She stopped briefly at the Gunmens', to let them know that she was going out of town, and would keep them informed of her approximate location. She knew that they had been disappointed for her when the disc had been empty, but she also knew that the boys were Mulder's friends first, and so were disappointed in her as well. Scully cautioned them to please not tell Mulder where she was, but that she was safe.

I need the water, she thought, as she headed southeast. Dana Scully cranked up the volume of her car radio, and drove.

Ten minutes after she had left the Gunmen's, Mulder arrived.

"Hey boys, I need your help finding Scully," he announced.

"Why now, Mulder? You've been mad at her for two weeks," Frohike said.

"Look at who she went off with!"

"Yeah, and look at who you've gone off with over the years." Byers added. "In all the years that you've known Scully, has she ever given you the silent treatment for ditching her? Has she ever criticised your work on a case after a ditch?"

Frohike joined in with, "Yeah, and has she ever slept with someone just to get back at you for leaving her behind?"

Mulder paled a little. "She told you about that?"

"Had tears in her eyes, man," Langly noted to him. "Said you censured her for her attitude towards the locals, too. Not cool, dude."

"Where is she?"

"Scully said she'd keep in touch. When she's ready to see you, we'll let you know," Byers said. "Maybe her mom knows. You could ask her."

Mulder shook his head. "I was with Scully's mom this morning when Scully pulled up out the front. Scully probably believes her mom's taken my side about this. Scully won't tell her mom know where she is because she'll think that her mom will tell me her location. She'd be right, too."

"Well, maybe Skinner knows. If she's taken a leave of absence, then he would have had to approve it, right?" asked Frohike.

Mulder nodded, and asked the guys to keep him updated. When they agreed to do that, he left and went in search of Skinner.

What Skinner had to say to him shocked him deeply.

Dana Scully was no longer an employee of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

She had gone to see him after the debacle with her mom and had asked for some personal time. Skinner had checked, and she had no leave of any kind available. After all the time she had taken to search for Mulder, and then to nurse him back to health, as well as going to Africa, there was no leave of any kind left, except medical. She had then asked for a transfer out of the X-Files. Skinner had refused, citing that he felt that it was counterproductive to split up the best team in the FBI, and that the rough patch could and should be worked through. At that, Dana Scully had removed her weapon, her badge, and her Hoover ID, and left them on his desk.

"You didn’t accept it, did you?"

"What do you care, Mulder? You've treated her like she has the plague for two weeks, you write a notice of censure that's undeserved, and generally act like she doesn't exist. Why shouldn’t I accept her resignation?"

"Because I'm wrong, sir. I've behaved very poorly, and I want to make it right."

"I can sit on this for a short time, but if she's not back in here Wednesday morning, then I'll have to process it."

Mulder nodded. "I'll have her here by 8am, sir." Mulder turned to leave the office when Skinner's voice stopped him.

"Dana Scully is a fine woman, and a great agent. One mistake doesn't change that. You would do well to keep that in mind."

Fox Mulder acknowledged his supervisor's words as he left to track his partner down. Ah Scully, he thought, all the times I left you behind and you didn't treat me like I was stupid. I owe you an apology. Where have you gone? In a sudden burst of inspiration, the name Karen Kosseff popped into his mind. He did an about face, and went off to find Karen.

"I've kind of been expecting you, Agent Mulder," Karen said as she extended her hand to Mulder, and welcomed him in to her office. "Please, take a seat." Once Mulder was settled, she looked at him and asked, "You're here about Dana, aren't you?"

"Actually, yes. Do you know where she is?"

"No. All Dana said as she came to say goodbye was that she appreciated the times that we've spent together. She also mentioned that she felt completely alone, and that she had lost your trust and respect. That was the reason she gave me for her resignation."

"I have been angry at Scully for the last couple of weeks, and I've been doing things that I knew would hurt her." Karen simply nodded, and he continued, "I felt betrayed, and wanted to punish her. I wanted her to feel as abandoned as I did."

"Do you think that it helped?"

Mulder gave a small grin, as he recognised what Karen was doing. "It did at first. I went to see Scully's mom today, and that really helped. I was able to vent, and I can see why Scully did what she did."

"Do you think that you could have handled the situation differently?" Karen had to pose the question while Mulder was being cooperative.

"Yes. I should have come to you a week ago. Then I could have gotten back onto an even keel with Scully, and avoided doing some dumb things myself."

"Has Dana ever been critical of you when you leave her behind?" When Mulder shook his head, Karen went on. "Dana has come to me a few times and talked about how she feels when you leave her behind. The bottom line is, when you leave her behind, she felt that you didn't trust her. So, she didn't say anything to you because she wanted to be worthy of your trust."

Mulder nodded again, and said to Karen, "Scully is the only one. . . ". He trailed off, realising in one blinding burst of insight just how much he had hurt Scully with his ditching. He saw how she struggled to prove herself worthy of his trust, and how he repaid those efforts by ditching her again and again. Then his behaviour of the last two weeks, including Deputy Davis came to mind. No wonder Scully was feeling alone.

"Do you have any idea where she might have gone? Any idea at all?"

Karen thought for a while, searching back through conversations she'd had with Dana Scully. Then her face brightened. "What is the one constant in Dana's life, Agent Mulder?"

Mulder looked towards the window in Karen's office as he thought. Of course, he thought, it's obvious! "The ocean. Scully loves the ocean."

"With her current frame of mind, you might want to find someplace where the water is rough and unsettled," Karen reminded him.

"I could kiss you, Dr Kosseff!" Mulder said, but settled for clasping her hand. He left her office, pulling his cell phone out as he walked.

"Byers, it's me. Where on the Atlantic coast is it storming right now?"

######

Mulder was heading down to the Carolinas. The forecast that Byers had seen said that there would be gale force winds between Myrtle Beach and Myrtle Grove, with the worst of the storm to hit in North Myrtle Beach. He knew that Scully would pick the roughest place to go, and he had a list of hotels and motels in the area to check on. After thinking about the best way to proceed, he decided to start north of North Myrtle Beach, and work his way south. At the fourth motel, he got lucky.

"Yeah, she booked in a couple hours ago," said the bored desk clerk after Mulder had shown him a photo of Scully. "What'd she do, kill someone?"

"That's classified," Mulder retorted. "What room is she in?"

"Number 14. It opens out onto the beach, which is what she asked for. You gonna arrest her?"

"How about I arrest you for being an accessory?"

"Sorry, man. Just tryin' to do my civic duty."

Mulder waved briefly at the clerk as he made his way to room 14. He knocked, not really expecting an answer. Pulling out his lockpick, he made short work of the door. He was unsurprised to see the room was empty, but Scully's bags were sitting on the bed, opened but not yet unpacked. Where are you, Scully? he thought. May as well make myself comfortable. He hadn't been in the room long when he heard the rattle of a key in the lock. The door swung open to reveal a dripping wet Dana Scully. After her initial shock, she simply began moving around the room, closing up her bags, and preparing to leave.

"Going so soon, Scully?"

She didn't respond, but picked up her bags and went towards the door. Mulder got up and stood in front of the door, preventing her escape.

"Come on, Scully. Won't you at least talk to me? After all, I managed to find you."

"I wasn't aware that we were playing hide and seek, Mulder. Besides, you haven't wanted to have anything to do with me for the last two weeks. Now, I want a bit of space. Please get out of my way."

"I can't do that. We need to talk."

"No, Mulder, we don't. You got what you wanted, now leave me alone."

"I got what I wanted?"

Scully just nodded. "Yes. You've made it clear that you don't want me as your partner anymore. You've also made it clear that you don't want me as part of your personal life, which makes me wonder what New Year's Eve, and the time since then, have been all about." At Mulder's look of uncertainty, Scully went on. "We kissed, Mulder. We've been spending time together getting to know each other better outside of work. I thought that things were developing quite well. Then I make a mistake, and the first opportunity you get, you sleep with someone who looks like Diana Fowley. Then you have me censured, and go to <my> mother, and get her on your side. So, yes, Mulder. You've got what you wanted. I'm not your partner anymore, and I'm out of your personal life as well. Please move aside." Scully finished, and wiped her face clear of moisture.

Mulder was sure that it wasn't just rain she was wiping from her face. He knew that he needed to choose his words carefully, or everything could come crashing down around him.

"Consider this my last request, then," he said. Scully looked in his eyes, and must have seen something there because she nodded and put her bags on the floor. Mulder moved away from the door, and guided her to the chair. He sat on the bed and looked at her.

"When you went with the Smoking Man, I felt betrayed and abandoned. I wanted to punish you for hurting me, and it confused me because I care very deeply for you." At Scully's snort of disbelief, he went on quickly, "I know how I have been acting over the last two weeks, and I knew that I was succeeding at hurting you. So, I went to see your mom to get some insight into why you went with the Smoker."

He glanced over at Scully, who simply looked at him to continue. "Your mom was a big help. I was able to vent a lot of the anger I'd been carrying, as well as the guilt I was feeling at how much I was hurting you. Your mom helped me see that you probably had a good reason for going with him. If I'm honest with myself, it was probably a better reason than I've ever had for ditching you."

"Did you even bother reading my report about that weekend?" Scully asked.

"I finally got around to it this morning before I went to your mom's. I understand why you went with him, and why you didn't tell me. I still don't like it, but I can see why you went."

"Why censure me, Mulder? I went out of my way to be friendly to the locals, particularly after you started getting close to Deputy Davis."

"I was angry that you'd solved the case, and I was feeling guilty that I'd almost slept with Davis to get back at you." At her gasp, Mulder went on, "I did NOT sleep with her. I wanted to, but when it came to the crunch, I couldn't. I love <you>, and I'm not on drugs now."

"I love you too, Mulder, not that it makes any difference now."

"What do you mean, it doesn't make a difference now?"

"Look at us, Mulder. You don't trust me enough to believe in me, you maintain a rage at me and don't even want to try to resolve it, and you talk about me in a way that's obviously nasty to other people." Mulder started to object, then fell silent, and motioned for Scully to continue. "If we become really involved, how can I be sure of you to come to me when we have difficulties? It took you two weeks to even want to talk about it, and then you went to my mom! How can I trust you with me? If we become intimate, and we have a fight, how can I be sure that you'll stick around to work it through rather than go out and screw a Diana clone?" The angry, hurt tears started to flow. "You need to want to be with me when the going gets tough, not just when it's easy. That's what being in a real relationship is all about. Being there when one of us makes a mistake. Being there when one of us feels. . " Scully couldn't go on, and Mulder moved to kneel in front of her.

"Being there when one of us feels alone, right?" At her nod, he took one of her hands, and held it between both of his. "Not withholding love, but showing love more when we make mistakes, which is what you've done for me for seven years now. Carrying the load together when the task seems impossible, like you've shown me how to. Apologising when you screw up, which is what you do, and I need to learn to do." Scully rested her head on Mulder's shoulder, and the tears kept coming. She felt him take a deep breath, and knew he was summoning up the courage to say something.

"Scully, I've behaved abominably to you for the last two weeks. Can you find it in you to forgive me for this?"

She swallowed audibly, and said, "Yes. But can you forgive me for not being honest with you?"

"Already done. When I realised what I was doing, I knew I needed to make this right between us. You mean far too much to me for me to screw up what we have. I want you as my partner, and I want you in my personal life as well. Please, Dana, say you'll come back?" he pleaded as he lifted her chin so he could look in her eyes.

Dana Scully looked into Fox Mulder's eyes and saw the truth of what he was saying. She could see that he was asking for a commitment. What he didn't realise was that Dana Scully had made the commitment to him years before, and all she was doing was verbally affirming what had always been there. She answered him.

"Yes."

And Mulder laughed with joy.