Title

Title: The Changing Nature of Friendship

Author: Anne Milne

Date: December 2006

Spoilers: S4

Disclaimer: Anyone you recognise doesn't belong to me. They've just come over to play for a while. They'll be back home by the time it gets dark, I promise. Really.

Category: Angst, MSR eventually

Rating: PG13 for language

Feedback: Pleeeeeeeeeease!

Archive: Go for it

Thanks: CC and Fox for the X-Files. GA and DD for bringing M and S to life. Sara B., for giving encouragement and suggestions.

Summary: How Scully's illness could have been manifesting BEFORE Leonard Betts said his immortal line.

Other stuff: Has anyone else noticed that the women Mulder gets are all in the 'reasonable babe' category?

The Nature of Friendship

The last few weeks had been, quite simply, unbelievable. I know that I had seen many unbelievable things in my four years on the X-Files, but the last month had really been trying. I had been feeling more rundown than normal, and the last few cases had been real dogs.

First, there was the Peacock family, and the horror that accompanied them. Then, Mulder's blond 'friend', Marita, had given him information that actually didn't help the case that we were working on. Mulder ended up paralysed and in hospital for a while, but he seemed to bounce back alright. He hadn't been back at work too long when I ended up almost lobotomised by Gerry Schnauz. The kicker, though, has been this last case that we just finished.

Mulder claimed that he found his soul mate.

It's not me.

Whoa, where did that come from?

I mean, seriously, where did that come from?

Okay. I admit it. I love Fox Mulder, and I'm fairly sure that I'm in love with him.

So, when he said that this Melissa woman is his soul mate, and all I am is his sergeant or his father or his male whatever, it cut very close to the bone. If that is how he truly sees me, then I need to assess where I go from here.

I have always had in the back of my mind the feeling that once we were able to get the answers that we both needed, and get justice for the wrongs inflicted on us, that we would be free to pursue a more intimate form of our partnership. Knowing how Mulder sees me changes that future from quite probable to virtually impossible. I can see now that the innuendo was simply a way for him to relieve tension.

He doesn't see me as female, so of course he doesn't want me.

Why on earth did I say that I wouldn't change a day?

******

Fox Mulder lay on his leather couch, staring at the ceiling. He was contemplating what had just happened in Tennessee, and was having trouble reconciling all that had gone on. He analysed what he had said, both to Melissa and to Scully. He could still remember the flash of hurt he saw in Scully's eyes as she answered his question. He had always felt an attachment to Scully, and he didn't want to see her hurt. Why, then, did he believe what Melissa had said about she and he being soul mates? Was it because it gave him a reason to continue to keep Scully at arm's length? Or was it because it gave him something to hide his growing attraction to Scully behind? And if Melissa was his soul mate, why did Scully feature so prominently in all of his past lives?

The whys were running around in his mind so fast that his head was starting to spin, and he was beginning to feel nauseous. He shook his head as if to clear it, then stood and went into the kitchen to forage for food. Nothing in his fridge was edible, so he wandered back into the living room, where he picked up the phone to order a pizza. That done, he called Scully. Maybe she could help him sort through the feelings.

Her machine picked up. "This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message."

"Hey, Scully, it's me. Call me when you get in. It's important." He then called her cell phone. It too went to voicemail, where he left the same message. He started to wonder where Scully could be, as it was getting late. Mulder wasn't to know that she was standing in the living room, tears slowly dripping down her cheeks as she heard him leave his message.

******

When I arrived in the office the next morning, I had my armour in place, and my excuses for not calling him back were ready. All the Mulder signs were there: the coffee was ready, his coat was slung over the back of his chair, and his computer was on. I moved to my area, and started preparing for the day, all the while wondering what Mulder's mood would be. Would he be morose over Melissa's death? I was pondering the answer to that question when he breezed into the office.

"Hey, you're here."

"Yes, I am," I replied. "New case?" I asked, noting the files in his hands.

"Yep. Skinner just gave it to me. 302s' are approved, and we're out of here later today."

I looked at him expectantly, waiting for more information. When it became obvious that he wasn't about to say anymore, I said, "You know, Mulder, it would be nice to have some more information about this case before we arrive wherever it is we're going."

He shook himself, and looked at me with a hint of mischief in his gaze. "I thought it'd be a nice surprise for you," he finished with a grin.

I was unamused. "We've been partners going on four years, Mulder. I think that I deserve a little more courtesy, don't you?"

"What's the matter, Scully? You know I like to play things close to my chest."

"Yes, I know, and I'm tired of it. Now tell me where the case is, and what it's about," I demanded.

"Or what? You won't come?" he asked, puzzled.

"Oh no, I'll come. I just want to know before we leave, so that I can be better prepared."

"Fine," he snarled as he threw the file at me. I just managed to catch it, and was about to sit and read it when he spoke again.

"Don't bother sitting down." I raised my eyebrow at him, and he continued. "I've arranged for you to go to the lab and help Pendrell run some tests for me that are related to this case." My look of disbelief didn't even register with him as he kept on talking, and among other things he said that he'd meet me at the airport at 3pm, and not to forget the test results, and oh yeah, he'd better take the file as I wouldn't have time to read it. He pulled the file out of my hands, packed his desk up, and left the office. All I could was sit down in the guest chair, and wonder at his actions.

Once again, Mulder had clearly shown me by his actions that he was unhappy with my presence.

Something was going to have to give, and I was hoping that it wouldn't be me.

And why was I feeling so damn tired?

******

Mulder was pacing around the gate at the airport. Where was Scully? It wasn't like her to be late. He pulled out his cell and pushed speed dial one.

"This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message."

"Scully, it's me. We needed to board five minutes ago. I can't believe that you're blowing me off like this. They're calling final boarding, so you're just going to have to catch up to me in Chicago. Go see Skinner for the details." Mulder could not believe that Scully would out and out refuse an assignment. He had just picked up his bag, and was heading for the jetway when his cell buzzed.

"Mulder."

"Agent Mulder," said Assistant Director Walter Skinner, "your partner fainted about three hours ago while she was in the labs running tests. She has been transported to GWMC, and has not yet regained consciousness. Her mother has been informed, and is now at the hospital with her."

Mulder stood in the middle of the jetway, torn between going to Chicago and going to Scully. Why was he even mad at her? Maybe putting some space between them would be helpful. "Thank you for letting me know, sir. I'll ask someone from the Chicago field office to help me."

Skinner grunted in surprise, but before he could say anything, Mulder said, "I have to board now. Call you later." Skinner looked at the phone in his hand. Something was going on between his best pair of agents, and he was going to find out what it was.

******

I slowly struggled through the blackness that was surrounding me. In the distance I could see Mulder, so I called out to him. "Mulder, I need your help!"

"Sorry, Scully," he said as he turned towards me. "I have to check out this case, so you need to come to me."

"But I can't move quickly enough; something's holding me back. I need you to help me! Please!"

"I can't do that, Scully. It's not like you're important to me or anything," he replied as he turned and started walking away.

"Mulder, I need you," I said as the tears started again. "Please, Mulder, I love you!"

He turned again, looked me in the eye, and said, "But I don't love you." And he walked away. I screamed as the blackness started grasping my hands.

"Dana! You're having a nightmare. You need to wake up now!" I slowly opened my eyes to see my mom hovering over me, holding my hand in both of hers.

"Mom?" I croaked. "Where am I?"

"GWMC, baby girl. You fainted at work five hours ago, and for the last hour, you've been having nightmares and calling for Fox." She bathed my face with a warm washcloth, and brushed my hair out of my face. "The doctor will be in soon to talk with you." She looked closely at me, and asked, "Is everything alright, Dana?"

I started to nod, and was mortified when the tears began. Mom got up, sat on the bed, and held me while I sobbed. I must have been babbling about the last few weeks and the cases and Mulder because my mom's voice penetrated the miasma of emotions.

"I know that you love Fox, Dana. Don't you realise that he loves you too?"

"But he doesn't, mom. He's convinced that a woman he met less than a week ago is his soul mate, and she's dead now."

"Now, Dana, you must be mistaken."

I tried to stop the traitorous tears as I raised my eyes to my mom's. "He doesn't even see me as a woman, mom. In this soul mate thing of his, I was always there as a man!" Dammit if the tears didn't start again. Mom just continued to hold me while the storm of emotion worked its way through me. I was finally starting to recover when the doctor came in. We talked about what happened, and he went through my test results. It seemed that my blood count wasn't quite right, so he wanted me to start on an iron supplement, as well as a prescription multivitamin. He made arrangements for me to see him in a week, and said that I could go home in the morning, and only half days at work until after he had seen me again.

"What time should I be here in the morning, Dana?"

"I guess around 10am should be fine. I need to call Skinner. Have you seen my cell phone?"

Mom opened the drawer in the bedside table, and handed my phone to me. She kissed me on the cheek, told me to get some sleep, and that she'd see me in the morning. Then she was gone.

I was just about to call Skinner when the man himself came into my room. He looked troubled as he entered, but recovered quickly.

"Agent Scully, I was just talking to your doctor. You'll be on half days, so would you prefer mornings or afternoons?"

"I think that mornings would be better, sir. Do you want me to let Mulder know?"

Skinner got that troubled look again before he answered. "I think that maybe I'd better tell him, Scully. I called him as he was about to board the flight to Chicago. He said that he'd get an agent from the field office to help him with this case. Scully, what's going on?"

I couldn't answer. All the times we had been at each other's bedside in hospital, and right after the Melissa debacle, he chooses to stay away. I looked at the phone in my hand and accessed my voicemail. Almost immediately, I wished I hadn't.

Mulder was mad at me, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. I must have looked stunned, as Skinner motioned for the phone. I gave it to him, and he listened to Mulder's message. His face grew hard, and he looked at me when the message finished playing. I answered his unspoken questions.

I told Skinner about what happened in Tennessee, and what had happened in the office earlier. I omitted my role in Mulder's past lives, as it made no real difference to what Mulder had done. Skinner grunted, then stood to leave. He told me to come and see him in two days' time, where he and I would discuss things further.

After Skinner had gone, I leant back against the pillows and started to seriously think about what was happening to me. I started to summarise so I could control my thoughts. Mulder was mad at me; he didn't respect me as a colleague; he certainly didn't see me as a woman; and, he wasn't by my bedside when I woke. What on earth had I done to Mulder? I picked my phone up and called Mulder. It went straight to voicemail. "Mulder, it's me. I'm really sorry that I won't be able to come to Chicago. The doctor has ordered that I take tomorrow off work, and then it's half days for a week. Pendrell said he'd fax the test results to the field office for you. Please be careful." I ended the call, and put my phone on the bedside table.

Sleep didn't come easily to me that night.

*******

Fox Mulder hadn't had the best of days. First, Scully wasn't with him in Chicago. Second, the agent who had volunteered to go with him was a rookie, and didn't know whether he was coming or going. Third, Scully wasn't with him, she was in hospital. Fourth, his Scully wasn't with him. His conscience had been pricking him all afternoon and evening. How was she? Why was she in hospital? He thought back to the conversation he'd had with Skinner earlier that evening.

***

"Agent Mulder, I thought that you should know that your partner was admitted to GWMC earlier today. She'll be discharged in the morning, but the doctor has limited her to half days for the next week. Should her follow up appointment next week show problems, then she'll be restricted to half days for the foreseeable future. Will this be a problem for you?"

"How is she doing, sir?"

"Why are you asking me, Mulder?"

"Well, you saw her earlier."

"And?"

"And I might have given her the impression that I was unhappy that she wasn't with me. Please, sir."

"She seemed pretty upset about something, but apart from that, she wasn't too bad. Of course, that was before she listened to the message you left her."

"Oh."

"Anything you want to tell me, Agent?"

"No, sir."

"Keep me apprised."

***

Mulder looked at his cell, and decided to call Scully. First, he checked his voicemail. There were a couple of messages from the Gunmen, and one from Scully.

"Mulder, it's me. I'm really sorry that I won't be able to come to Chicago. The doctor has ordered that I take tomorrow off work, and then it's half days for a week. Pendrell said he'd fax the test results to the field office for you. Please be careful."

He felt like kicking himself. His Scully sounded so sad and defeated. Wait a minute, he thought, when did I start thinking of her as MY Scully? That set him back on his heels, and he started to analyse that train of thought. He looked at the phone again, and hit the speed dial. It rang four times, then a slurred voice answered.

"H'lo?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey Scully, it's me."

Silence. "Scully, you there?"

Another pause, then "Yeah, I'm here."

"How're you feeling?"

"Tired. How's the case going?"

'How's the case going?' he thought. 'Of course, you stupendous ass! It's 10pm here, so it's 11pm in DC. Of course she's going to think that you're only interested in talking about the case'. To her, he said, "The case is a waste of time."

Another long pause, then very quietly she asked, "So why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, Scully."

"Well, you were earlier today," she said, her voice increasing in volume. "You didn't want to give me details of the case, then you ordered me to run those tests for you. Then, when I wasn't at the airport on time, you left a nasty voicemail message that I only listened to after I regained consciousness three hours ago. You don't respect me as your equal, and you certainly don't trust me. If you did, you'd share more details of the cases before we go into the field where you make me look like a fool because I don't know what's going on. What exactly do I have to do before you see me for who I am?" she finished up shouting at him.

Mulder was astonished by the vehemence of Scully's outburst. He listened to her harsh breathing as she tried to calm down, and searched frantically for the words to say to help her feel better. "But I do trust you, and I do respect you."

Scully laughed harshly at that. "No, Mulder, you don't. I have done everything in my power to earn your trust, and what has it got me? You ditch me physically every chance you get. What's worse is you ditch me emotionally whenever there's a chance you can get laid."

"That's not how it is…"

Once again, Scully laughed. "That is exactly what you do. You see everyone and everything around you, except me. I'm just the loyal assistant that gets left behind as an inconvenience, then when you need me to pull your ass out of the fire, or patch you up, or appear by your hospital bed, I'm there. What you don't realise is that I'm actually happy to do all of that, and you want to know why? It's because I fell in love with you three years ago, you son of a bitch!"

Mulder could feel the emotional pain that Scully was in, and he asked as calmly as he could, "You love me? You're in love with me?"

Scully gasped as she realised what she had said to Mulder. She looked at the cell phone in her hand, disconnected the call, switched the phone off, and threw it back in the drawer.

Mulder tried to call her back, but got the out of service message. He looked at the time. It was too late to try to go back to DC, plus he really did need to do the right thing by the field office if he happened to need something from Skinner, which was likely under the circumstances. 'Time to make things right with Scully,' he thought.

******

I sat up in the hospital bed, appalled with myself and my lack of self-control. I had just managed to doze off when Mulder called, and I wasn't in anywhere near the right frame of mind to talk to him about anything, let alone how I feel about him. I didn't even realise that I had told Mulder I was in love with him until he repeated it back to me. The question now was: would he drop everything and race back to DC, or would he laugh himself silly over my emotional ramblings? It was time for me to do some damage control. I pressed the call button, and when the night nurse arrived, I went into action.

Ninety minutes later, the cab I was in pulled up in front of the Hoover building.

Once inside, I made my way to our, or should I say Mulder's, office, where I collected my personal belongings. I switched Mulder's computer on, and once the start-up routine had finished, I sent two emails.

The first was to A.D. Skinner, requesting a leave of unspecified duration. I asked that he combine my medical leave, comp time, and time in lieu. If I didn't think that was going to be enough time away from the office and Mulder, then it would have to be augmented by unpaid leave. The reasons I gave Skinner were simple: I wasn't well, and I needed a break.

The second email was to Mulder. I didn't know when he'd access email, but I wanted to be long gone when he read it.

After I had finished with the emails, I shut everything down, collected my things, and went to my car. From the Hoover building, I went back to my apartment, where I threw some clothes into a bag. After a quick shower to wash the hospital smell off, I trashed the perishables in my fridge. Then it was off to mom's for a few more things. All I told her was that I really needed to get away, and that when I found a place to stay, I'd call her.

Then I hit the road, all the time wondering how I was going to recover from the mistake of telling Mulder how I felt about him. I also needed to go through the test results from the hospital, and try to work out what, if anything, was wrong with me.

******

Two days later, Mulder walked into the office, fully expecting that Scully would already be in, as she was on half days. As he looked around the room, he noticed a thin film of dust on the desk. As he looked more closely, he saw that none of Scully's personal knick knacks were visible. A sense of dread began to gnaw at him, and he booted up his computer. While he was waiting, he checked his voicemail. Nothing from Scully, but a terse message from Skinner ordering him to contact Kim ASAP. Then he checked his email. A short message was waiting for him, dated two nights earlier.

'Mulder:

I've gone on leave. I'll be in touch.

Scully.'

This is not good, he muttered to himself as he picked up the phone to call Kim. Fifteen minutes later, he was sitting in front of Skinner, hoping to get information about Scully out of the big man.

Skinner sat at his desk, reading through Mulder's report on the Chicago case. He put the file back on the desk, and leant back in his chair a little as he decided what to say to his agent. Finally, he came to a decision, sat back up, and started talking.

"So, Agent Mulder. This report would seem to indicate that the case in Chicago was a hoax, wouldn't you agree?"

Mulder nodded. "I had worked that out the first night I was there, but I wanted to make certain of it before I came back to DC."

"Do you have any explanation for your attitude of late towards your partner? That voicemail message was insulting, Mulder. Have you ever known Dana Scully to blow off an assignment?"

Mulder shook his head, and had the decency to look ashamed as he responded. "No, sir. Agent Scully has always been the epitome of professionalism. I was upset and tired when I called Scully, and it was unprofessional of me to leave that message. I will apologise to Scully when I see her again."

"That could be some time, Mulder. Scully has requested a medical leave of unspecified length. I found out from her mother that Scully signed herself out AMA two nights ago, and has since departed for an unknown destination."

"Do you know what's wrong with Scully, sir?"

"No, I do not. Maybe Mrs Scully does." The two men sat immersed in their thoughts briefly before Skinner dismissed Mulder, who wasted no time getting back downstairs to his office.

Once the door was closed behind him, he pulled his cell out and called Margaret Scully. That conversation was not brief, and it was painful for both Mulder and Mrs Scully. It was obvious to the two of them that Dana was ill, perhaps seriously, and wherever she was, she was alone. After he ended the call, he was about to call his buddies, the Lone Gunmen, when he noticed his inbox had an email from Scully. Quickly, he clicked on it, and read his fate.

"Mulder,

I have been feeling unwell for some weeks now, so I'm having a battery of tests done. I have had a few episodes of fainting, but none where I was out of it for so long, nor with the added nightmares, as a few days ago at work. I feel tired and rundown all the time, to the point of wondering if there's any reason to go on.

It is unfair of me to ask that you put up with a partner that is sick. You have so much to do, and if I can't keep up with you, then I don't deserve to be there with you. You need better that that. You certainly deserve better than that.

As for what I said the other night, you can pass it off as the insane ramblings of a tired, sick woman.

Take care,

Dana."

Mulder couldn't believe his eyes. Scully sounded depressed, and she was giving him an out with respect to her declaration of her feelings. As he contemplated his actions of the last few weeks, he began to doze. As he slipped into a more relaxed state, he felt all the emotions that Melissa Ephesian had engendered in him disappearing like snow in the sun. As those emotions started bleeding out, a series of more powerful emotions began filling him, body and soul. All of these emotions had Dana Scully at their centre. He saw her as if for the first time, standing in front of him, strong and proud, and oh, so beautiful, with her stunning eyes and her blazing intellect. He let the emotions and visions wash through him, almost purifying him with their intensity. He thought he heard her voice, and sat up quickly.

'How could I have treated this wonderful woman so shabbily?' he thought as the visions filled his mind and burned in his soul. 'She deserves far more than I could ever hope to give her.' In almost the same instant came her voice, reaffirming that it was him, Fox Mulder, that she loved, and the burst of warmth that filled his heart was almost too much to bear, and the tears that sprang up in his eyes trickled down his cheeks unnoticed. 'I have to find her. I have to be with her. No more hiding,' he thought as he pressed a number on his cell.

"Lone Gunmen."

"Byers, it's me. I need your help urgently."

******

I had been in the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, for five days now. The doctors had run every kind of test that they could think of, and were confident that they were narrowing down what was making me sick. At least, I wasn't bedridden, so I had been walking around the city, seeing the sights, and keeping myself amused. One of the things that I had bought myself for comfort was a Rochester Honkers baseball sweatshirt. Not quite the Yankees, but it was still baseball.

I had also been reading as much as I was able, particularly about autoimmune conditions, which is the diagnosis the doctors were tending towards. I was hopeful that the doctors here, who were among the best in the world, would be able to tell me what was wrong.

It was getting on towards dinner, so when I heard the knock on the door, I didn't think twice about telling whoever it was to come in.

"Hey Scully."

It was Mulder. Seeing him here was a real surprise, and that was reflected in my greeting to him. "What are you doing here, Mulder? How did you find me?"

"I'm here because my partner needs me to be. As for finding you, Frohike sends his fondest regards, and hopes that you're feeling okay."

I nodded, and said, "Just so long as they're not hacking into my medical records."

Mulder chuckled at that image, then sobered. "Why didn't you tell me how you've been feeling?"

"When could I have done that, Mulder? We've been so busy with cases,"

"And I've been ignoring you." He nodded, and went on. "Dana? Can we talk about that case in Apison?"

'Dana?' I thought. 'What's going on?' "Sure, if that's what you want, but I left all my business suits at home, and I filed my report with Skinner last week. Was there a problem with it?" He looked askance at me as I settled myself on my bed, and waited for him to take the unusually comfy chair in my room. He surprised me by coming and sitting on the bed, right beside me.

"No need for a suit this time, and no, there are no problems with your report. I know that you didn't agree with what went on in Apison, Dana. I've had time to put a number of things in perspective about that case, and I now know that Melissa Ephesian is not who I thought she was."

"Your soul mate."

"Yeah. I was in our office," he paused at my look of disbelief, and grinned at me, "yes, our office, and I had what I can only describe as a spiritual experience. I experienced an awakening that was exhilarating, and I felt a sense of renewal and peace afterwards that I thought I hadn't felt in years. The thing is, I have felt that sense of peace many times before."

I couldn't see where this was going, and Mulder noticed that I was getting a little antsy, so he surprised me again by taking my hands in his before he continued speaking.

"I have felt that peace in my soul when I'm with you, Dana, and it took the reality check of you not being around for me to recognise that what I already have with you is so amazing it takes my breath away. And if what we already have is this good, then I can only imagine what it could be like if we were really together." He looked into my eyes, and I felt that I could see his soul, as I knew that he could see mine.

I had to be sure of what he was trying to tell me. "Mulder, what exactly are you trying to say to me?"

He smiled, a full, heart-stopping smile, and quietly answered, "I'm trying to tell you that I love you, that I am in love with you, and that I want us to be together." He saw me glance around the hospital room, and gently turned my face back towards his with his fingertips. "None of this matters to me, Dana. If we are together, then nothing can defeat us. Be mine, Dana. Please. We belong to each other; we belong with each other." He cocked an eyebrow at me, and waited expectantly for me to speak.

I had looked deep into Mulder's soul, and I knew that he was being terrifyingly honest. I had seen the depth of his feelings written in his eyes, and I was well aware that he had seen those feelings mirrored in my eyes. I took a deep breath. "That sounds a little like a proposal to me, Mulder," I said with a small smile.

He grinned back. "You better believe it, Dana. When you get out of here, we'll make it official. Get your mom here to watch. What do you say?"

My cheeks were starting to ache from smiling. "That sounds fine to me, Mulder."

He stroked my cheek, and said, "Call me Fox."

The End.

I always said that falling in love is a spiritual experience. What about a sequel? Let me know!!!