Title

Title: Walking Without You

Author: Anne Milne

Date: November 2006

Spoilers: up to S6

Disclaimer: Anyone you recognise doesn't belong to me. They've just come over to play for a while. They'll be back home by the time it gets dark, I promise. Really.

Category: Angst, M/O (implied), MSR eventually

Rating: PG13

Feedback: Pleeeeeeeeeease!

Archive: Go for it

Thanks: Sara B., for always giving encouragement.

Summary: Loneliness can be a choice, but it can also be thrust upon you.

Other stuff: You know, I don't really like the Fowl one, but she's a demanding wench!

Walking Without You

For once, I had made it into the office before Mulder. So, after starting the coffee and booting up my laptop, I had a look on Mulder's desk to see if he had left me a breadcrumb trail of clues. Nope, not a crumb to be seen. The files that were on his desk were some that we had talked about yesterday afternoon and discarded. Finally, I gave up the search and went over to my area and started on our last expense report. Then, around 9.50 am, he arrived.

"Hey, Scully. How was your evening?"

"Quiet, thank you. Yours?"

"I spent some time at the guys', and I think that they might have something for us."

"Okay. Do tell."

Mulder wandered around, getting us both coffee, and settled himself into his chair. "Lights in the sky, people going missing for a few days, returning without memories but with scars and bruising. Does that sound interesting or what?"

Give Mulder the merest possibility that alien abductions are happening, and he's onto it like a dog after a juicy bone. "And in what part of our fair land is this occurring?"

He gave me a big grin, and answered, "The very plausible state of Oregon." He saw my involuntary grimace, and moved on quickly. "Skinner has already signed off on the 302's, and the Portland office knows we're on our way. How soon can you be packed?"

I leaned back in my chair, and considered. It was always difficult for me to refuse Mulder anything, particularly when he was excited about it. "When does our plane leave?"

"1.35 pm, American gate 43 at Reagan."

1.35 pm didn't leave me a lot of time to pack. "I'll need to leave now. Will you be swinging by my place to pick me up?"

For the first time since he walked into the office, Mulder went a little quiet. He swallowed, and said, "I have a few things to finish up here, so I'll meet you at the gate." He handed me my ticket, and gave me a thumbs up.

I collected my things and waved goodbye as I left the office. Something was going on, and I wasn't sure if I was going to like it or not. Still, if Skinner had approved the investigation, how bad could it be?

******

I heard Mulder before I saw him, and when I turned to greet him, I began to understand his moment of hesitation in the office. Diana Fowley was with him. I was determined to be polite, if nothing else. "Agent Mulder, Agent Fowley. What are you doing? I thought that you'd transferred after the events of El Rico."

Fowley didn't miss a beat. "I had quite a lot of vacation time that I needed to use. It was merely a holiday."

I nodded, and Mulder had the grace to look guilty, for all of five seconds. "Well, Scully, Diana, let's get on that plane. Time's awastin'!"

I picked up my carry on and laptop, and as I walked over to be next to Mulder, Fowley stepped in between us. I sighed to myself and thought, 'So that's how it's going to be.' At the check in counter, Fowley made sure that she got the seat next to Mulder, so I asked for a row that had no-one else in it, as far from Mulder and Fowley as I could. Juvenile, I know, but I didn't want to know what the two of them were going to talk about. I got a file out that I had wanted to check through, and prepared for five hours of solitude. A few thoughts kept swirling through my mind, all about Fowley and how she had escaped the firestorm at El Rico. I knew that she'd been in a car with Cigarette Smoking Spender, but Mulder didn't. When did she contact Mulder? What was their relationship this time around? Why did Mulder want me to stay if Fowley was back on the scene? It made me wonder about the things he'd said to me in his hallway last summer, and in the hospital in Bermuda. What hurt most of all was the way that he deferred to her, and how isolated his actions made me feel.

I had been alone until I met Mulder, and until Fowley reappeared in his life, I had thought that what we had between us was special. With him inviting Fowley along on this case, I was starting to seriously think about my role in Mulder's life. This kept up for a while, and I only snapped out of my funk when the flight attendant came over and told me that we were preparing to land.

******

The next surprise came when the three of us reached the Portland field office. "Agents Mulder, Fowley, Scully, it's good of you to come at such short notice," said Dan Hobby, the Special Agent in Charge of the Portland office. "We haven't been able to make much headway with this case," he said as he ushered us into a briefing room. The walls had victim photographs, along with maps showing where the victims had been taken from and returned to, as well as how long each person had been missing. Mulder went to the case notes, and started going through them looking for alien abduction pointers. He motioned for Fowley to do the same.

I quietly asked SAC Hobby if the victims' medical records were available, and thanked him when he handed me a sheaf of papers.

"These are in the order that each person was kidnapped, Agent Scully," he said, when Mulder interrupted him.

"Abducted, Agent Hobby, not kidnapped."

Fowley took that opportunity to jump in with her own take on these happenings, so I took the medical reports, found a quiet place, and started reading through each one, making careful notes. I was deep in thought about it when Mulder interrupted my musings.

"Scully, Diana and I are going to go check into the motel. Do you want me to take your bags?"

I thought for a moment, and answered him. "No, but thanks for the offer. I have stuff in my suitcase that I know I'll need," I finished with a slight smile.

"What about dinner?"

Once again, I hesitated before I answered. I could see Fowley glowering at me, and I really didn't want to be the odd one out, so I begged off, saying that I wasn't hungry. When Mulder turned to Fowley, she was all smiles.

After they had gone, SAC Hobby turned to me and started talking. "You know, Agent Scully, I was actually quite surprised when Agent Mulder told me that there would be three of you coming out here. Walt Skinner didn't say that there were three agents on the X-Files. When was Agent Fowley assigned to them?"

'Things just keep on getting better and better,' I thought. "As far as I know, she hasn't been assigned to the X-Files. She has just come back from vacation, so I imagine this is a temporary assignment."

Agent Hobby nodded, and looked at me thoughtfully. He seemed to come to a decision, and asked, "Agent Scully, how would you like a home-cooked meal? My wife is a doctor, and I know she'd love to talk with a fellow professional."

Anything would be better than watching Fowley and Mulder, so I agreed. It was a great couple of hours with Dan and his wife Lauren. We had some laughs, and it almost took my mind off what Mulder and Fowley were doing. Almost.

I called a cab from the SAC's house, then I called Mulder's cell to find out the name of the motel. Agent Fowley answered his phone. When I asked to speak to Mulder, she explained that 'Fox' was in the shower. At least, she told me where they were staying. Before I ended the call, I said that I would meet them at breakfast the following morning, in the motel dining room, and would she please tell Mulder that I called. She grunted noncommittally, and ended the call.

And the hits just kept on coming.

As luck would have it, the only rooms left at the motel were on the opposite side of the complex to the adjoining rooms that Mulder and Fowley had. Once I was settled, I called the guys. Frohike answered.

"The lovely Agent Scully! How may I help you this fine evening?"

"You can give me an honest answer to my question."

"Sure, Scully."

"Are Mulder and Fowley back together?"

Frohike swore under his breath before he coughed and answered, "I didn't think they were. Why?"

"Because she's on the case you put him onto in Oregon with us."

"Scully, I don't know what's going on, but you really should ask Mulder."

"After what happened the last time I approached him with information about Fowley, I hesitate to do that again." I thought furiously for a few moments, then asked if there was anything about the case that stood out in his mind. He wasn't sure, he said, but he'd call me tomorrow with more background. I thanked him, and ended the call.

I went through the events of the day, and the last month or so. I had thought that Mulder and I were starting to get back in synch after everything. I was beginning to feel that I might have been wrong.

******

The events of the following morning brought home to me how wrong I was. I waited for half an hour in the motel dining room for Mulder and Fowley. Finally, I got a cab to the field office, only to find that they were already there. Fowley looked very pleased with herself, and Mulder started in on me about being late.

I broke into his tirade with, "I called you last night. Didn't Agent Fowley give you the message?"

Mulder looked at Fowley, who had the gall to look surprised and shake her head. Rather than make the situation worse, I quickly apologised for being late, and asked Mulder how we were going to proceed with the investigation. As it turned out, SAC Hobby had assigned one of his agents to work with us, and Mulder had decided that Special Agent Dave Duffy would work with me. We were to take the earlier victims, and talk with them, while Mulder and Fowley would talk to the more recent victims. As we were about to split up, my cell started buzzing.

"Scully."

"Scully, it's Byers. Act like it's your mom," came out in one quick breath.

"Hi, mom. How are you?"

"We've been doing some digging, and Fowley has been assigned to Bank Fraud. She's supposed to start there next week."

"That's good to hear, mom."

Frohike came on the line. "As near as we can figure, she's there to make trouble between you and Mulder."

"How nice for her. Has that always been the case?"

"Langly had been tapping all of her possible phone numbers, and came up with a conversation between Fowley and Cancerman."

"Oh mom, I hope that you can get me some copies of those photos of Mattie. You know how much I like those."

"Just be careful Scully. We know what to do, and we've got your back, even if Mulder doesn't."

"Thanks, mom. Just look after yourself, and I'll see you in a few days. Love you." Anyone who had been listening to my side of the conversation would not have been able to notice anything irregular. I looked up to see that only Agent Duffy was in the room. He shrugged apologetically, and handed me our half of the interviews. I made a mental note to call Skinner as soon as I could, and we headed out to start our interviews.

******

By the time we had spoken with the first four people on our list, Dave Duffy and I had been able to put together a far more credible scenario than alien abduction. All we did was ask questions carefully, and read between the lines a little, and it was starting to look like a case of systematic sexual assaults.

Each case was the same, and as more time had elapsed, whatever drugs had been used as memory suppressants were flushed out of the victims' systems, and the memories were coming back. Why hadn't they contacted the police? That was an easy answer: shame and embarrassment. All the victims were in their early twenties, and were students at one of the local colleges. The last memory that all had straight after their "return" was walking home form a class.

Now, twelve weeks later, the reality was starting to come back.

Each student had been grabbed at a secluded part of the campus, drugged, and taken to some kind of storage facility, where they had been raped repeatedly before being bashed, drugged again, and dumped naked outside of town. As the victims had been both male and female, shame was the overwhelming emotion. Agent Duffy was a great interviewer: compassionate and quiet. He contacted a friend of his who was a rape crisis worker, and was able to give referrals to the victims.

After we left the sixth victim's home, Agent Duffy turned to me and asked, "Are there drugs that take that much time to leave the system?"

I didn't have to think long to answer. "If the drug is fat-soluble, then yes, it can take some time to leave the body fully. That would explain why the earlier victims can recall just about everything, where anything more recent than six weeks ago would still be affected."

He nodded. "So, we have three men who pick a student almost at random, drug them, then rape them for forty-eight hours, then dump them." Almost as an afterthought, he added, "How are we going to break it to Mulder that it's not aliens?"

I shook my head. "That, Agent Duffy, is going to be a tough sell."

"At least we have good descriptions of the three suspects. Maybe that'll help convince him."

It was going to be harder than I thought to convince Mulder. He and Fowley had taken off for Washington state, chasing more reports of lights in the sky. Once SAC Hobby had heard our report, he was livid with Mulder and Fowley, and put a call into Skinner. No-one could contact Mulder or Fowley, as it seemed that their cell phones were switched off. 'Oh, Mulder,' I thought, 'what trouble are you walking into now?'

I should have been more worried about the trouble I was about to get into.

******

Agent Duffy and I had spent the next couple of hours putting together profiles of the suspects, as well as basic physical descriptions of them, when my cell buzzed. It was Skinner, and he was steamed.

"Have you heard from Mulder at all today?"

"No, sir. I last spoke to Mulder this morning. According to the SAC, he and Fowley have gone to Washington to investigate more reports of lights in the sky."

"What the hell is Fowley doing there, Scully?"

"I thought you knew and had approved her coming with us, sir. SAC Hobby knew she was with us." I thought to myself that Mulder was probably in deep trouble. Skinner's next words confirmed my suspicions.

"I didn't even know that Fowley had come back to the Bureau. It was only after I checked with personnel that I found out she was reassigned to Bank Fraud, and isn't due on deck until a week from Monday. Did Mulder say anything to you about her?"

"No, sir; the first I knew that she was even in DC was when the two of them showed up at Reagan." I paused while I listened to Skinner vent a little, then asked him what he thought I should do. His response was unsurprising.

"Keep trying to raise Mulder, and I'll have Kim do the same. How's the case going?"

"Agent Duffy and I have come up with some solid leads that we're in the process of working up."

"Good. Keep it up." And Skinner disconnected. Not two minutes later, my cell buzzed again.

"Scully."

"Agent Scully, it's Janie Meyers," came a timid voice. Janie was the first victim, and had remembered a lot of details.

"Hi, Janie. How can I help you?"

"I've remembered what their names were."

This was a huge break for us, and I motioned for Duffy to listen in while I wrote the names down. "Okay, Janie, go ahead."

"The one with black hair was Joey, and the brown-haired man was Tim. They used a nickname for the one with dirty blond hair. It was Razor." Janie exhaled loudly, and continued. "Joey's eyes were really dark, almost black. Tim had light brown eyes, and Razor had blue eyes. Not like yours, though, but watery and pale."

"You're doing great, Janie," I encouraged her, "Can you think of anything else?"

"I think there was a Baskin Robbins, and a street sign with a funny name on it. Pinching or Punching, something like that." She sighed, and said, "I'm sorry, Agent Scully, that's all I can remember." Janie started to weep quietly, and I hurried to tell her how brave she was, and how much we appreciated her calling.

"Janie, are you at home?" Agent Duffy asked her.

"Yes," she gasped.

"Hang up the phone, go find your mom, and get her to hold you. You'll feel a lot better, and so will your mom."

"Okay. Bye."

I looked at Duffy with a new appreciation of his skills. He simply shrugged, and said, "My sister was raped when she was sixteen. It changed the way our family did things. It brought us closer together."

"Your sister is the crisis counsellor, isn't she?"

"Yeah, but don't let that out. Ethics, y'know."

I nodded once, and we got back to work.

Within half an hour, we had a trio of suspects, as well as several possible locations. Twenty minutes after that, the SAC had placed us in teams of four, and assigned a premises to search. SAC Hobby took me aside just before we headed out.

"Agent Scully, I hope you don't mind that I've put my ASAC in charge of this operation. I know that it was your diligence that got us to this point."

I was flattered, and I thanked SAC Hobby, but I continued, "Agent Duffy deserves just as much credit as I do, plus if Janie Meyers hadn't come through with those other details, Duffy and I would still be digging through our interviews."

He nodded, and sent us on our way.

En route, Duffy pointed out that we had been assigned the location that he felt was the most likely of the possibilities. Conversation was minimal, with Duffy and the other pair of agents deciding who would take the front and who got the back.

We pulled up about a hundred yards away from a group of large storage units on Pinchon Avenue. We had passed a Baskin Robbins four hundred yards earlier, so Duffy was right: this did seem the most likely place. Kramer and Johns took the front, so Duffy and I headed around the back.

About half way up the row of units, we noticed that one of the doors had what appeared to be bloodstains. Duffy radioed Kramer that we were about to go into Unit 5, when we heard voices from inside.

"Come on, Razor, hurry up. It's my turn."

"Just keep your pants on, or not!" followed by raucous laughter.

It sounded like we were in luck, so Duffy contacted the ASAC with our location and requested backup and paramedics. He looked at me, and did a silent countdown. On three, we burst through the door, with Duffy yelling, "FBI! Freeze!"

Almost immediately, there were shots fired, and Duffy went down. I aimed at the muzzle flash and returned fire, while moving over to Duffy. I heard Kramer warn the suspects that the building was surrounded, and that they should throw down their weapons and surrender. Their response was immediate, and I felt my left arm jerk back. I dropped to the floor, and began scanning the room. Finally, I saw where our shooter was hiding: behind some boxes. He had Kramer and Johns pinned down, so it was up to me, as Duffy was unconscious. I moved around the wall, until I was almost behind the gunman. I aimed my weapon at his head, and hissed, "Drop it, asshole!" He swung around to fire at me, but I was able to fire and shoot him before he could get me. I heard Kramer shout something, and turned just in time to see the blond coming at me with a two by four. I raised my weapon as he raised the lump of wood, and said, "Just try it." He paused for a moment, then heard the scream of sirens approaching the building. Blondie surrendered, and shouted for the third member of the gang to do the same.

ASAC Grayson and his team came barrelling into the unit, along with a team of paramedics. Kramer and Johns were handcuffing the suspects while I was checking Duffy over. It looked like a clean shot through the upper arm, which I told the paramedics. I then moved over to the semi-conscious victim. This time, it was a young man. He was sobbing, curled up in a ball. I took my jacket off, and started talking quietly with him. Another team of paramedics had arrived, and they took over. The ASAC motioned me over to him.

"Agent Scully, you've been hit."

"Oh, yeah," I answered. I think I smiled at the ASAC before the ground jumped up at me.

******

I woke in a hospital bed to find AD Skinner at my bedside.

"Agent Scully, don't try to get up. You and Duffy broke the case, and the latest victim is in here, getting the best of care."

"Duffy," I croaked. "How is he?"

"Duffy is going to be fine. Clean shot, the doctors were able to sew him together easily. You, however, are another story."

I must have looked strange, because Skinner went on. "You ended up with three bullets in your arm. You collapsed due to blood loss at the scene. Still, it was easy enough to patch you up as well." He hesitated, then asked, "Have you heard from Mulder?"

I shook my head, and asked if my cell phone was here. Skinner took it out of the bedside locker, and I accessed my voicemail.

"Scully, it's me. Diana said she had a lead on the lights, but it's in Washington. We're on our way there now, so cover for me with Skinner."

I was amazed at his presumption, and when I checked the date of the message, it was two days earlier. I had been in hospital two days, and Mulder had only called me that one time. I gave my cell to Skinner so he could listen to the message. When it finished playing, Skinner was truly pissed.

"This dovetails in with the message I got from Mulder two days ago. In it, he said that he and his partner were checking out leads in southern Washington, and that the agents in the Portland office were working the case in his absence."

Skinner never took his eyes off me while he was telling me this. I was shattered to hear that Mulder had called Fowley his partner, and expected me to cover his ass with Skinner. I was just about to make a comment when the doctor and the SAC entered my room. The doctor introduced himself, and after going through the surgery, I asked when I could leave.

"Dr Scully, you've been unconscious for over thirty six hours." He must have noticed my pleading look, because he then added, "If you can keep lunch down, I'll discharge you in a couple of hours." We shook hands, and he breezed out, telling the nurse to get some lunch for me.

SAC Hobby just wanted to congratulate me on closing the case. The suspects were in the process of confessing to thirty-eight counts of kidnapping, sexual assault, and other felonies. He also said that if I was tired of DC and of a partner that didn't respect me, he would be more than happy to have me in Portland, and that Duffy, Kramer, and Johns had all volunteered to be my partner. He, too, shook my hand. As he was leaving, I asked if he could ask one of the agents to pick up my things from the motel.

"Already done, Agent Scully. Kramer and Johns did that for you yesterday. Your things are in the closet there." A cheerful wave, and Hobby was gone.

Skinner cleared his throat, and asked, "So, Scully. Are you going to cover Mulder's ass on this one?"

"Why, sir? You've already seen through his subterfuge. What's likely to happen to him?"

"He'll be suspended for at least two weeks for dereliction of duty and false pretences with respect to Fowley." He was about to continue when he was interrupted by his cell buzzing. "Skinner."

It was Mulder.

Skinner's face got tight as he said, "Interesting about you and your partner being in Washington. You must have been able to clone her, because I'm in her hospital room right now."

"She was shot three times while apprehending the suspects in this case."

"No, Agent Mulder."

"I said, no, Mulder. You and Fowley get your asses back here ASAP to try to clear your behaviour with SAC Hobby, then you get back to DC. You will both turn in your badges and weapons to me before you do anything else. You are both suspended pending a disciplinary hearing to be convened by me. Kim will arrange for your tickets to DC. Shut up, Mulder, and do as you're told for once in your life." Skinner ended the call, and simply said to me, "We'll talk on the plane."

My cell started buzzing. I showed the caller ID to Skinner, and switched my cell off. I was too upset with Mulder to talk to him.

******

The next two weeks went by quickly for me. I spent the time in the office, getting all the reports that I could up to date. I talked with Karen Kosseff about my feelings, and where I saw my career heading. I found out from Skinner that Fowley had admitted to Mulder that I had called, and that she had neglected to pass the message on. Skinner also said that Fowley had "been offered the opportunity to resign", and she hadn't been seen for dust. I spent time with the Gunmen, sifting through evidence with them, evidence that they would present to Mulder. Mostly, I thought about Mulder, and the state of our partnership and relationship. I knew that I had some hard decisions to make.

******

Fox Mulder was glad that his suspension was finally over. He had tried to contact Scully while he'd been suspended from duty, but somehow she had managed to avoid him completely. He had been to visit the guys, and he could tell that they knew what he'd done to Scully. What had surprised Mulder most about his last visit to the guys was what they'd shown him.

They had just finished listening to 'The Fowley Tapes', and Mulder was shocked at what he'd heard, and how badly he had misjudged the situation with Fowley. He had allowed his past to interfere with the best professional relationship he'd ever had with Dana Scully.

Frohike turned to Mulder and said, "You really are a schmuck, Mulder."

"Why, thank you, Melvin. I didn't know you cared."

"Yeah, Mulder, we do care. And so does Scully, or had that slipped your mind while Fowley was seducing you?"

Mulder cringed. He had almost allowed Fowley to do just that. She had come through the connecting door every night, and each night she'd had fewer clothes on than the night before. It was only that call to Skinner when he'd found that Scully had been shot that he woke up to what was going on. He was still punishing Scully for her lack of support after Antarctica. When was he going to learn that Scully had never lied to him? Fowley had disappeared after she'd resigned from the FBI, and it didn't bother him. What if Scully was to leave him? That would really bother him.

Byers, Langly, and Frohike watched the emotions chase each other across Mulder's face. Byers finally spoke up.

"Mulder, Scully cares about you a great deal, but over the last few months, all you've done is push her away. When are you going to stop hurting her?"

"I'll fix this. Scully is the best thing that has ever happened to me…" he trailed off as he fully realised what he was finally admitting to himself. He looked at his friends, and said, "Gotta go!" as he all but ran out of their warehouse.

The guys looked at each other sadly. Dana had told them of her plans, and they were under strict instructions to NOT tell Mulder. The effort had to come from him now, Dana had explained.

******

"Mulder,

You probably think that it's cowardly of me to leave you a letter instead of telling you in person about my plans for the next little while. There are some things that I need to explain, and I can be more coherent on paper.

Three weeks ago, you walked into the office with a new case for us. I was glad to see you excited about work, and I looked forward to getting into an X-File again. Imagine my surprise when you brought Diana Fowley along. While in Portland, I found out from SAC Hobby that the two of you had skipped town. Then, while I was in hospital, I found out from Skinner that you had told him that you and your partner were investigating leads. I must have missed the memo notifying me of Agent Fowley's assignment to the X-Files.

Since Antarctica, you have been alternately pushing me away and trying to hold me close. You have been punishing me for not backing you up at OPR after Dallas. You told me you loved me, then did all you could to avoid being around me. Mulder, I'm confused.

Last summer, we stood in your hallway. I had just told you that I was resigning rather than transferring to Utah. Didn't you realise that I resigned so I could stay in DC to be near you? You said some beautiful things to me, and we almost kissed. Let me go through what you said, and what your actions show me.

'You saved me.' I know that, but we have saved each other many times over.

'Your strict rationalism and science saved me.' If that's the case, then why do you take every opportunity to belittle that science and rationalism? It's that science and rationalism that has given the X-Files increased credibility, yet you mock 'my science' constantly.

'You kept me honest.' We've kept each other honest, Mulder, but the times I haven't been honest have been the times that I've been protecting you, often at your request.

'You made me a whole person.' You do the same for me. From the day I met you, you have challenged me to be a better person; a fuller person; a whole person. I have learnt so much from you, yet you take away from me the things that help me the most: your trust, your honesty, and your respect.

'I owe you everything, and you owe me nothing.' If you truly felt that way, you wouldn't withhold from me things like fuller information about our cases. I, too, owe you a great deal, and I have tried to honour that debt by being inclusive.

'I don't know if I can do this alone. I don't even know if I want to.' This one statement, in its' blazing honesty in that blazing moment, went straight to my heart. I know that I don't want to do this, whatever 'this' is, alone. But Mulder, you are doing this alone. You ditch me every chance you get, you take every opportunity to work with other people, and you take away my right to choose whether or not I work with you. As I said to you at the start of that particular conversation, you have never needed me. I have held you back. If that wasn't the case, then you wouldn't feel the need to leave me behind, alone, while you take whoever else with you.

You don't need me: you never have.

I'm taking a four month sabbatical. I have some thinking to do, and some decisions to make. My plan is to return to the FBI at the end of that time. My mom and the guys know where I'll be, but I've asked them to not tell you. If you want to find me, it won't be too difficult. But Mulder, you need to decide WHY you want to find me. If it's so I can be your constant antagonist, don't expect me to be welcoming. That's not a position I want anymore. I also don't do third wheel very well, so if you would prefer a new partner, I will understand.

Now, Mulder, I want you to pay attention to what I am about to say. It's very important to me.

I care very deeply for you. Over our years together, I have come to respect and trust you more than any other man I have ever known. When I envision my future, the man I see in it more and more is you. So, Fox Mulder, let me tell you that I need you, I want you, and I love you.

I need you in my life because YOU make me a whole person.

I want you in my life the way a woman wants a man.

I love you with my whole heart and soul, and you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So, Mulder, if you choose to find me, please let it be for the right reasons.

All my love,

Dana."

Fox Mulder carefully placed the letter on his desk, put his head in his hands, and wept.

End Part 1.